First Time
by leyton-is-lovee
Summary: “No, Lucas, you told her six years ago that you would never hurt her again...not like last time”, she quoted him bitterly “you can’t break that promise. Not now, three days before your wedding”, her voice got softer with every word. LP angst? mentions BL


I own nothing—thanks for the reviews.

I know I should be writing chapters for my stories, but I'm at a bit of a writers block . . . so here's a one shot to hold you all over lol.

Okay, soo Jake never told Peyton that she said she loved Lucas. Everything went on the way it was. She never went back to Tree Hill, so she and Brooke never got into a fight.

* * *

_**We're both looking for something**_

_**We've been afraid to find**_

_**It's easier to be broken**_

_**It's easier to hide**_

No. No way. It was not going to happen. Peyton Sawyer had been adamant about it since she got the envelope in the mail. She would not be there. She couldn't even fathom the idea. Absolutely not. Her neck actually hurt because she was shaking her head so fiercely. She would definitely not be in attendance.

The invitation spent the next week sitting on her kitchen table. Mocking her. Finally she put it in a drawer near her stove. She was secretly hoping her stove would start a fire and the invitation would be burned. Wouldn't that be ironic?

She hadn't been home in years. Six to be exact. If she ever did return, it most definitely would not be for that. Her mind was made; she would stay in Savannah and ignore the fact that she ever got the invite. She wouldn't R.S.V.P. because it meant that she got it, but didn't care enough to come. She couldn't do that. So she would ignore . . . like she ignored so many other things in her life.

Nathan told her that Brooke would be calling. Nathan was the only person she had kept in contact with and that wasn't even by choice. He showed up after his accident. He was upset, angry, confused . . . basically everything Peyton was. She didn't know if it was because she was the first familiar face she had seen or because it was Nathan, but before she knew it, she was telling him everything. Jake. Jenny, calling her 'momma'. The engagement. And that she wasn't coming back. She also asked that he not tell anyone, about anything.

Peyton couldn't help but to scoff. There was no way she would call. They hadn't spoken in years and the last time they did, it was about how Peyton needed to follow her heart or something along those lines. _Yea I followed my heart_, she thought bitterly. In the middle of her convincing Nathan there was no way Brooke would call, she heard a beep signaling her call waiting.

After a five minute conversation. Well could it be called a conversation? The other one did all the talking. Anyway, after that it was completely decided.

She was going to Tree Hill.

_**Looking at you, holding my breath**_

_**For once in my life I'm scared to death**_

_**I'm taking a chance letting you inside**_

She took a deep breath as she walked through the terminal. This was going to be the longest week of her life. That was without a doubt. She was so lost in her thoughts, she barely noticed the tall, dark haired man with a goofy grin.

"Ow", he said as he rubbed his arm.

She smirked. "I told you I was going to hit you for laughing at me when I told you I'd be back."

"Oh, please", he muttered as he rolled his eyes.

"It's your fault I'm here", she blamed him. He looked at her with a raised brow.

"I'm sorry, but was I supposed to keep you a secret forever?" he asked with mock concern.

"At least until I died", she said seriously.

"I missed you Sawyer", he whispered as he picked her up and spun her.

She latched onto his neck and smiled in spite of how she felt. "I missed you too."

The drive to the boutique was filled with conversation. They talked every week, but they never seemed to run out of things to say to each other. This was just one of the reasons they were best friends.

"Okay, so what exactly am I walking into?" she asked hesitantly. Nathan fiddled with his car keys.

"Well, nobody knows anything", Nathan assured her as he placed his right hand over her ring less left one.

She took a deep breathe before entering. As the door opened and the chime signaled a new customer, she wanted to crawl into a hole. Haley immediately threw her arms around her neck. Considering she was five months pregnant, Peyton was amazed at how tightly she was being hugged. She was quickly introduced to Lily. She knew of the little girl because of her conversations with Nathan. He told her she was like a mini-Keith, but to see her in person; it was unbelievable.

"You're pretty", the little girl acknowledged shyly.

"Oh, you are definitely a Scott", Peyton commented, causing the women in the room to laugh with her.

Karen had been the next to hug her. Peyton held on tightly. She missed the woman she considered another mother. Karen pulled her back at arms length and studied the young girl. Peyton immediately feared that she would know everything, but Karen simply smiled.

"You look good", she told her firmly.

Peyton released a breath. She was safe for now. She didn't notice the famous smirk Karen wore.

_**I'm feeling alive all over again**_

_**As deep as a scar under my skin**_

_**Like being in love, she said, for the first time**_

_**Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right**_

_**Whenever I'm alone with you tonight**_

_**Like being in love with you for the first time**_

Ever since Brooke told him she would be here during the week he had this flutter in his stomach that he hadn't felt in years. He had wanted to speak with her the first two days she was here, but Brooke hogged her. Seeing her now made him feel like he had stepped into a time machine. She looked the same. Except, her hair was curly again; those tight curls that he loved so much. The green of her dress made her eyes stand out even more. Her legs were still long and slender. His eyes stopped when they reached the scar on her leg. He had only spoken to her a few times after the shooting and he had spent the last six years regretting it. He couldn't even remember what their last conversation was about. As he watched her walk out into the hallway he knew one thing; he needed to talk to her.

She felt him behind her just like she had felt his eyes on her in the ballroom, that's why she had walked out in the first place. She continued to walk until she reached the doors; she silently prayed that he got the hint. As she heard the bottom of the door scrape against the concrete she knew she was in for something else.

"Hey", he said quietly.

She turned to face him and noticed that his hands were in his pockets and he was rubbing the back of his neck.

"Hi", she said in a small voice. He opened his arms and she hesitated, but quickly walked forward and let him embrace her.

"I've missed you these past couple of years", he tried to sound indifferent, but he knew he was failing miserably.

She shrugged. "I needed a change."

"And being engaged was on that agenda?" he questioned somewhat bitterly. She stared at him for a long while; wondering how on earth he knew. Then she spent some time thinking of ways she was going to make Nathan pay when he spoke again, "your ring finger has a tan line", he pointed out as he pointed to her hand. It was dark out, but the dim lights on the front deck were enough for him to notice everything about her.

"Being engaged and then not being engaged", she told him as she shrugged again.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"Not with you", she muttered.

"Good because I don't think I'd really wanna hear it", he told her honestly and she smiled in spite of herself.

They stayed out there; together. Each in their own thoughts.

_**The world that I see inside you**_

_**Waiting to come to life**_

_**Waking me up to dreaming**_

_**Reality in your eyes**_

"Do you remember what you said to me in the library that day?" he asked; breaking their comfortable silence. She looked at him with a shocked expression.

"I know, it's random, but ever since Brooke told me she had talked to you; it's all I've thought about."

Peyton nodded her head slowly, not understanding where he was going with this.

"I've also thought about the fact that I never said anything back", at this point he was walking over to her.

"Luke–"

"If I told you I loved you would you hold it against me?" he said seriously as he stared into her eyes. It wasn't the same way he told her in the library at the party in school. Granted, he refused to look into her eyes. But just now she _felt_ him tell her he loved her; if that was even possible.

"Because I do, Peyton", he continued, "I love you so much", he was in front of her now and she could feel his warm breath melt the cold November air.

"No", she mumbled as she shook her head. She also walked to the opposite end of the deck.

"Peyt–"

"No, Lucas, you told her six years ago that you would never hurt her again . . . not like last time", she quoted him bitterly; "you can't break that promise. Not now, three days before your wedding", her voice got softer with every word.

He knew she was right. He didn't want her to be, but she was.

"Peyton–"

"And I'm her Maid of Honor. HONOR, Lucas", she stressed to him, "besides this means I'll more then likely be the godmother to your kids", and the words came out of her mouth before she had time to process them.

"Oh my god, you're gunna have kids", she swallowed hard at the realization. Lucas watched as she had an entire conversation more or less with herself.

"I'll have to stand by and watch them grow up. They'll be perfect", she said somewhat cynically he noted, "they'll alternate between brown and blonde hair. They'll have her annoying dimples and the girls will kink their eye brow because their dad says it's cute when their mom does it", she looked at him accusingly, "The boys will love literature; their first words will probably be William Shakespeare. And basketball, of course they will love basketball. They'll have your stupid upturned nose and that damn smirk", she was pacing the floor in front of him, "and they'll have your eyes too. And I'll be there to watch them all grow. I'll listen when she tells me she's pregnant and there's nothing I can do about it", by the time she finished they both had tears in their eyes.

He liked the idea of having children. He liked her talking about his children. There was just one problem.

"Peyton, I want my kids to love music and be sarcastic and smart mouthed–"

"And they will", she assured him, "because I'll be there", she whispered.

He shook his head. "I want them to have curly hair and green eyes and be amazing artists", with every word he took a step closer.

"I want them to be your kids too", he whispered as he finally reached her.

"It's too late for that", her voice shook as she wiped harshly at her tears.

"No, its not", he tried to plead with her. He reached out and cupped her cheek. She was stiff at first but eventually, she leaned into his touch; her hot tears hitting his palm.

"Yes it is Luke", she cried as a sob escaped her throat. He felt a tear run down his cheek.

"I'm sorry", he whispered as he pulled her into a hug, "I'm so sorry", he repeated.

"It's too late for that", she said as she pushed him away gently.

_**Looking at you, holding my breath**_

_**For once in my life I'm scared to death**_

_**I'm taking a chance letting you inside**_

Weddings. She had always enjoyed them. The witnessing of two people coming together. Promising to love each other forever. It was very romantic . . . even Peyton would agree. This wedding though, she wanted no part in. She took a deep breath, hoping it would calm her. Her ragged breaths proved her ministrations futile.

"Get a grip Sawyer", she reprimanded herself. The knocking on the door broke her from her thoughts.

"Peyton, open up", she heard Haley beg. Peyton took one last deep breath before flattening out her navy colored dress.

Peyton opened the door with a fake smile. "Sorry Hales, I know you're pregnant, you probably have to pee like every two minutes", as Peyton tried to edge her way out the door Haley dragged her back in.

"What's going on?" Haley asked in concern.

Peyton stared at her old friend. She wanted to lie and say that nothing was wrong. That everything was fine, she was just sad to see an old friend get married. But Haley could always see past that. The fact that she was pregnant only seemed to heighten her senses when it came to that sort of thing. Before she knew it, she was telling Haley everything.

"Sweetie", Haley said sympathetically as she rubbed her friend's back.

Nathan had kept the fact that he was talking to Peyton a secret for nearly five years. Even he was amazed, considering his wife was like a freakin' blood hound. He didn't even plan on telling her at all, but then she accused him of cheating and instead of simply telling her; he called Peyton and handed the phone to Haley while it rang.

After that Haley demanded they go and visit her. Peyton needed to meet their children and Haley needed to see her first friend again. After a lot of convincing Peyton agreed and they spent part of the summer with her. Jenny was only a few years older then James so they played together the entire time. Sarah was only a toddler so she was thrilled with a paper plate. To Haley, Peyton seemed happy and in love. But one thing she seemed to forget was that Peyton was the master at hiding her emotions.

"So, when you went to visit Jake after the shooting, you said you loved Lucas in your sleep?" she needed to get a handle on the situation before she could really give any type of advice.

Peyton nodded.

"And he never told you?"

Again she nodded.

"And he just called off the engagement a few weeks ago?" Peyton glared at her and Haley held her hands up.

"It just doesn't make sense. I mean he kept it a secret for so long, why would he change his mind?" Peyton looked at her.

"Because he finally realized that I could never give him my everything", she whispered.

"I'm sorry Peyton", Haley said. She wished there was something else she could say; anything, but she was at a loss. What do you say to someone who has to watch the love of their life get married?

Haley opened her mouth to speak, but the rapping on the door stopped her.

"Ladies, we need to get a move on", the annoying wedding planner announced. Haley rolled her eyes before turning to Peyton.

"You ready for this?" she asked hesitantly.

"Absolutely not", and with that Peyton stood and helped Haley to her feet.

Haley watched as Peyton faced the mirror and wiped her eyes; applied a fresh coat of mascara and minimal eye liner, took a deep breath and opened the door.

Right then and there Haley decided that Peyton Sawyer was nothing less then a warrior.

_**I'm feeling alive all over again**_

_**As deep as a scar under my skin**_

_**Like being in love, she said, for the first time**_

_**Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right**_

_**Whenever I'm alone with you tonight**_

_**Like being in love with you for the first time**_

The DJ announced that it was time for the speeches and Peyton panicked. She dumped the contents of her bag onto the table and plowed through everything until she came across it. The small piece of paper. Actually it was a bar napkin. It was crumpled and had tear stains on it and smelled a little like tequila, but Peyton needed this to make it through.

She took her stand at the microphone and had to squint her eyes to read her wobbly writing; doing this drunk definitely wasn't a good idea. She saw the word 'bitch' and knew that writing this with Rachel wasn't such a great move either. After the conversation with Lucas she went out with Rachel; to her bar actually. Rachel had come a long way from the manipulative girl Peyton knew in high school and the two bonded instantly.

"I've known Brooke Davis since I was eight. We both beat up some kid that was picking on a scrawny boy, who turned out to be Mouth", the reception hall burst into laughter and Rachel squeezed his knee, "We've been best friends ever since. Lucas was kinda thrown into our world. He was an outsider that quickly became an insider and none of us were ever the same . . ." she continued her speech. She swore she was rambling, grasping at things to mention that sounded heartfelt. When she looked up at everyone and saw the tears in half of their eyes, she guessed she did a good job; when Brooke more or less tackled her in thanks, she knew had fooled everyone again.

_**We're crashing**_

_**Into the unknown**_

_**We're lost in this**_

_**But it feels like home**_

She was nearly out of the woods. Her speech was done, they shared their first dance and the cake was cut. As she grabbed another glass of champagne from a silver platter she breathed a sigh of relief. Then the music played and she choked. She felt her entire body tense and she knew he was staring at her. She walked over to the sliding glass door in hopes of a refuge, but Rachel stood in front of them; shaking her head. Peyton glared at her before turning to look for the nearest exit. Haley and Nathan seemed to be blocking the main one and even Karen was lingering near the fire exit.

"Dance with me?" he requested quietly. She took a deep breath before facing him.

He wore that slight smirk that she could never say no to. Reluctantly she put her hand into his and he led the way. He held one hand in his and placed the other on her waist. She shivered at his touch.

"Thank you for dancing with me", he whispered as they swayed to the familiar song.

She nodded her head; knowing that if she spoke a sob would escape. How could she not dance with him? This was their song.

_They sat on the roof of the café. It had become a ritual for them. They were the only two around this summer and they spent all their time together. In the mornings she would teach him to draw or he would show her a complicated basketball play. Then they headed to the beach. Then they would meet on the roof to simply be together. Sometimes they ate dinner, other times that played mini golf in the course he still had set up. Tonight though, Lucas had surprised her._

"_What's all this?" she asked as he gently pushed in her chair._

"_This is my way of thanking you for an amazing summer", he unfolded his napkin and watched as she did the same._

"_Lucas–"_

"_I know I didn't have to do it, but I wanted to", she smiled and nodded her head._

"_Well then, lets eat", and they had. He made them both their favorites. Cheeseburgers and fries and chocolate shakes._

"_So, what now?" she asked as they piled the plates on top of each other and cleaned up a bit._

"_We dance", he said simply as he turned on the radio. Peyton looked at him like he had three heads. Before she could protest he grabbed her hand and brought her flush against his body. Peyton stiffened, but slowly she relaxed into him and they swayed together._

_Chasing Cars was playing in the distance._

"_You know this means it's our song", he teased although he was completely serious. Peyton shivered; they had a song._

_That night, as they swayed to the music they knew that there was something there. It was in the gentle way he had his hand on her hip. The way she unconsciously played with the hair at the nape of his neck. The ease in which she put both arms around his neck and he locked his around her waist. But they were tied to other people. He had told Brooke he wanted to be with her, and she was still nursing a broken heart over Jake. Timing was never in their favor._

_**I'm feeling alive all over again**_

_**As deep as a scar that's under my skin**_

_**Like being in love, she said, for the first time**_

_**Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right**_

_**Whenever I'm alone with you tonight**_

_**Like being in love with you for the first time**_

She let out a breath and he shivered as it hit his neck. This felt right to him. Having Peyton in his arms. He wished things were different; he wished things could be different. But in true tragic love story form it wasn't. She was still the object of his affection and she was still out of reach.

As he looked around him he noticed the glare of his little brother. The sad expression on his best friend's face. The nostalgic look his mother gave him. Everyone seemed to notice this, why hadn't he? He let it slip through his fingers and now he was going to have to deal with it forever.

"It really is always going to be there isn't it?" he asked in awe.

She lifted her eyes and met his, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

"You and me", he said as simply as he had at the beginning of that summer; so long ago.

She stared at him. One side of her was screaming to lie. Tell him that there wasn't even anything left. They had gotten it all out of their systems the other night at the joint bachelor/bachelorette party. She would move on and one day he would be attending her wedding. _Hopefully in the same painful way I'm attending his_, she thought bitterly. It was as simple as that.

"Yea", she whispered.

But nothing between them was ever simple.

_**Like being in love she said for the first time**_

_**Like being in love with you the first time

* * *

**_

Okay, that's it….let me know what you think. I've got another one shot in the works and the chapters for my other stories are being written.


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